Posts Tagged ‘Brain’

I seem to be a slight bit off kilter, my brain doesn’t seem to be aligned with itself quite perfectly. Time has gone a little wibbly, without the wobbly.

I don’t know if it’s just the day, a spike in my brain causing my medication levels to be a bit off, or that things got out of whack when I awoke from a horrid dream (even for me – who has nothing but bad dreams) and stayed up for a half an hour in the middle of the night, to try and rid the lingering tendrils of it from my mind.

Whatever be the case, the result is a feeling of not quite with it.

I didn’t bother even trying to write yet this morning – this blog post is enough of a linear strain on the brain.

I hope this just drifts away, and I can be productive this afternoon. I want to get somewhere close to 1k written in the fourth White Dragon Black series and stab away at the new short story – oh, yeah… I started another short story yesterday. Sorry should have mentioned.

So lets hope the fog lifts and the hemispheres of my brain re-align. I have words waiting for me.

Helen Redmond writes for Al Jazeera, AlterNet, and the Socialist Worker. She is a licensed clinical social worker, an expert in addiction, and an adjunct faculty at the Silver School of Social Work at New York University.

Here is the link to the article – READ IT!

I seem to be coming out the other side of my cycle. This would be good news on may levels. The most ‘down to earth’ one being that I could go and use a chainsaw with only the standard level of fear using one creates. I have purchased wood for the last few weeks and although it is nice to just have good hard wood at hand without time or effort it is expensive.

Coming out of the cycle also means that I can apply a more concerted effort in trying to repair whatever it is that still causes my water to not be getting to the house. I will be tackling that again today¬† – and hope that I can at least finally determine the real issue. I know what I’d like to do, but until I’m certain how the one unexamined piece works, I can’t move forwards with my plan.

Having a working brain, or at least as good as mine ever gets, will also help allow me to write more. I am surprisingly far on the new novel, ‘Corrupted Souls’ and would love to get it wrapped up soon. And I know that before long I am going to be sunk up to my neck in edits – having a clear mind will be immensely useful during this trying time.

So here’s hoping for the coming of spring, in both my mind and – by the love of the gods please!- in the weather too.

The last 72 hours have been bad.

They would, I’m quite certain, be better if I didn’t have the water issue hanging over my head but I don’t think that is all.

I’m in a hard cycle. It is about the right time for it and generally I’m not complaining. I’ve had worse.

I still trust myself enough to dive which is something.

But I have a very narrow window of function. I am waking and finding it difficult to adjust. This morning I ‘remembered’ that I had to go to the feed store to get layer pellets and cracked corn.

I wasn’t going to get out of bed but remembering the need, I spoke these thoughts out loud and thrust myself into a sitting position. My wife then told me I already had – that I had done that yesterday. I could dredge up the memory. I could place any images from my minds eye to match her statement.

I seem to have four hours. Four hours from that first sip of coffee until my ability to really do anything is gone.

I can force myself -some- but that really only leads to backlash later. Thinking hurts. Quieting the noise of my head, is a concerted effort. Distraction is needed to not simply claw at my own scull and tear the offending organ inside out.

Yesterday I was able to get more work done by playing music- loud. Today it seems to be bothering me. Tomorrow?

I need the weather to turn nice again to get out and work on the pump. As it is windy and snowing today, I’ll take the excuse and hope that by not pushing things I’ll come out the other side of this soon.

A burning room of firecrackers, it’s a half way decent analogy for what my head feels like.

I’m cycling – hard. Thoughts pounding away in my brain, exploding as soon as formed, bombarding my attention, and shattering my thoughts.

BANG! over there

BANG! over here

BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!

It reverberates off the inside of my skull, blinds my eyes from the inside out, and drowns out all but the loudest noise.

Yesterday – now today – for how long I can’t say.

It will end. This blaze become a smolder again. The fireworks consumed. Until then I struggle on. Find the safest line to walk through the room.

I’ll get through today and see what tomorrow is like when I get there