I know my editor enjoys my stories. I know she looks forward to editing them. Yet I still find myself sitting at my desk, staring at the latest edits from her, and thinking, She didn’t leave one ‘lol’ comment in the entire chapter – nor did she write, ‘I love Alvey!’, is this novel not as good? Is she just not wanting to tell me it’s below par?
I mean, I know that all artists go through the cycle – This is great – this is okay- what am I thinking – ah this is crap – I have no talent – well that part is all right – actually this is pretty good.
But really, we work so hard on each and every word, from the first writing to the final proof read – we question if it is good enough. If someone is reading our works, we both don’t dare disturb them but we loom, pace, and fret when there is no noticeable response from the reader.
I’m fairly confident when it comes to my White Dragon Black series. I know the world, I know the characters, and I’ve written enough now, to know I can portray that all in my writing. I even had a reviewer describe, in her review, how she saw my imaginary city of New Hades,
and it was just how I see it in my head. That kind of implies I’m getting down what I should be – and yet….
So yes – I like reviews, and praise, and hearing people talk about my book. I don’t want it for my own self gratitude, or sense of worth… I need it to beat back that beast that lumbers out of the darkness saying – ‘Sorry chap, you used all your talent up. All that’s left to you is a pathetic ability to bemoan your fate on an obscure blog. Now, shall I consume you feet first or shall we start at the head first?’